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Karmic Ties

I have written about Free Will Astrology, Plutonic love and the fact that I am on astrological Journey. Truth be told I’m always looking, searching and as someone once told me, over thinking. I do not believe in coincidence and have wrestled with the concept of why certain things happen. Why? The Why always haunts me. It always has, since my father died when I was 5; for as long as I can remember I have always questioned life. Questioned God? Questioned what is meant to be? If we take Route A or Route B do we end up in the same place when our lives are complete.

Lately I have been overrun with why, why is it I keep seeing someone I do not wish to see. If you read my entry on Plutonic Love, I use to believe we were destined. That we belonged together, seriously what else was I too think….I realized I was wrong the day he got married to someone else. The day out of the 841 Hotels in New York City he booked his wedding block at my hotel. I found out 3 days prior to their arrival when I attempted to check in another guest but typed in the wrong name. And there they were; his name 13 times, I could not breathe. I gasped for air, felt as though I had been punched in the stomach and had to leave immediately and console myself in a bottle of Ciroc Vodka. Why was this happening?

I will never have the answer as to why he chose my place of employment, the way I see it if he did it intentionally he is nothing short of cruel and if he didn’t think of me at all…well quite frankly that is WORSE. I would rather be loved or hated, indifference is nothing I aspire to & rarely do I inspire indifference in people, I blame that on my Sun square Pluto. Love me or hate me but never in between. Needless to say I called him in a panic, he informed me in fact that he was not the one to pick the hotel and it was all a coincidence. There goes that word again, thrown around so lightly. How could I ever have believed he was “the one”. 10 days later after having dusted myself off, seeking no solace that a natural disaster ruined his wedding( no shock here it was the worst day in the entire year to get hitched astroligically speaking) I owned up to my own bouts of delusion and accepted that we were not meant to be, only to pull up to the front of my house to see him with wife in tow. His dogs’ sad face at my window. My friends would joke the next day and label me “the dog whisperer”. Ah but had I been stuck at a traffic light a little longer, had someone stopped to ask me 1 simple question before leaving work I may have never seen them, but I did. I laughed at the absurdity of it all and thought had we still remained friendly he would indeed tell me, “what a coincidence”.

Karmic Ties in astrology appear to be unbreakable, for better or worse. Why am I the only recipient of this I have yet to figure out. I do know that I have changed my route on the way to work, have altered where I go in attempt to avoid him….but there are still times I see him. We are strangers now, Imagine. Just strangers. As I yearn to cut all ties a quote comes to mind: You often meet your destiny on the road you took to avoid it. Karmic ties are unavoidable and I have little to no hope of avoiding him.

In synastry the moons nodes coming in contact with another person’s moon often indicate “star crossed lovers” or “Romeo and Juliet” type of contacts. When an outer planet Saturn, Neptune or Pluto makes contact with another person’s Personal Planet (Moon, Mars Venus, Mercury) this is also Karmic. There are various degrees and each Karmic tie is different. According to www.café Pluto ties which we had many of “suggest a theme of domination, issues of power, betrayal, and dependence”. Presently I feel very much betrayed, though I’m not sure by whom either him or the universe.

I recently treated myself to a Reiki healing session, a pretty young woman lay her hands over me as visions danced around my head, wild horses, this small pretend horse my father bought me as a child, I was flying above this man’s house, twirling and dancing….The Reiki healer advised me “my chakras to the past were now closed” and yet I saw him the very next day, just driving by a smile plastered on his face. It didn’t hurt like it use to, I simply thought What the f***! I sought council through Tarot Card Readers, an intuitive, a psychic, an astrologer and I-ching reading…you name it and I have done it. I feel like the little boy in the Movie Hereafter with Matt Damon, I just wanted the answer, I wanted “the why”? And every single one advised me: the both of you share energy, you have lived many lifetimes together. The last woman said, “isn’t it nice to know that some connections are everlasting”, a sweet grin plastered on her face. Uh-nope.

I was advised to not speak about him, thoughts become words, words become actions and actions become things. And this energy is a living thing. This will be my last entry about him, I have done all I can to cut the ties, meditation, yoga, reiki and for once in my life I have decided I may never get what the lesson is here and I may never know why this happened but I will just accept it. I must accept it, that I may never have the “why” And as my dear friend said, when you stop caring you will not be in tuned to it, you wont ask WHY when he drives by……. because you won’t see him at all.



5 thoughts on “Karmic Ties

  1. I realize this is an old post, but I just found it and it resonated with me so much I had to comment. These types of connections are the worst, seriously. I have one still (20+ years later) and I think about him almost daily. I don’t want to, I’ve done the same “cord cutting” ritual in my head a hundred times. Although I don’t physically see him, he’s always there. I’m sick of it, don’t want it anymore, his energy and presence are always with me.

    I’ve been told the same thing about us “been together many lifetimes” blah blah blah. I don’t think karmic ties ever end unfortunately. They are too strong. It’s hard to live with, a burden.

    I just discovered your site and I’m looking forward to reading much more.

  2. Thank you for your kind words! No one understands Karmic Ties unless you have lived it! To an outsider it may not seem very plausable or they blame coincidence. I wish you love and light on every level. Thanks for sharing a part of your journey w/ me.

  3. Where to start? Maybe you’re twin flames. (Clearly, if karma is an acceptable facet of your experience of reality, it should be considered.) I’d be interested in seeing your charts, as my specialty is karmic astrology.

    I’ve had a long, difficult journey with my own (for lack of better) who is presently my partner on a collaborative project, which was really only made possible by our acquaintance. That was 8 years ago now. It’s been very complicated: the composite is almost entirely Scorpio, and 80% conjunct. ‘Plutonian’, as they say. Our chemistry is overwhelming.

    Everything you’d expect in such a relationship: inexplicable events which challenged my understanding of reality. ‘Coincidence’ abounded. Something I can only describe as ‘psychic empathy’. Almost regular telepathic communication. And, against CRAZY obstacles, somehow, STILL in each other’s lives – if at time it’s painful, begrudging, and stressful. A good friend of mine recently put it perfectly when explaining her justification for staying with her best friend throughout his volatile, and unfortunately, self-shortened life – to put it politely: ‘I knew the risks. But to NOT have him in my life? That wasn’t an option.’ It’s just not an option.

    I suppose most curious to me in all of this is how seamlessly we wrote the story which we’re now developing into our first TV series. It was as if we each had pieces of this puzzle, and our collaboration built the whole picture – but over a long period of time. Looking into the astrological side of things, you could even say that it’s the story of our own karmic past. Eerie.

    We know how our STORY ‘ends’, but not how OUR story ‘ends’ – of course.

    As an aside, I’m married. It was a choice I made for practical reasons, and feeling a great pull to settle karma with my husband and stepdaughter. But, as for my partner – he’s never far from my mind; arguably, he rarely leaves it. We’ve both hurt, and betrayed, each other deeply – out of fear, regret, resentment, and just being overwhelmed. It can be a long, hard road back.

    I was truly happy with my husband up until the time came to develop this project, and, it appears, focus on resolving this karma – which seems far deeper and more tumultuous. When a real opportunity came to have this relationship. But, again, too much fear. In a rare moment of total honesty, he’d confessed that the fear of an inevitable losing me was too much to even take the chance. We continue on for the project, for our writers, our cast, our crew, the audience that waits for our stories, but it hurts. Typically, every day, even on a low-level. And I can always feel his pain so fiercely, and out of nowhere. Just overcome with sadness – something which was unheard of for me, before him.

    So, yes, it changes your life. It’s crucial to understand why. For us, I believe it’s to tell our story. I’m not sure what else. It does seem downright cruel that, like our characters, we’re practically forced into this unbreakable connection with no foreseeable resolution. To love, ache, and obsess in secret, where only the audience knows; the script sprinkled with powerful moments of revelation particularly fleeting, always denied, but never, ever forgotten.

    We all have karmic ‘stories’ we’re enacting. Do you know your drama? Have you come to understand some of the why? Marriage to someone is not the end of the connection to another. In a way, they’ve both taught me, especially with my partner’s entering my life, that the bicycle for two can be rather limiting. My capacity to love is far greater than the restricted version we were all fed as children via faerie-tales. As I knew I’d never marry my partner, I yet somehow always felt he’d be in my life – in a complicated, yet honest way. Underneath it all, we’d somehow always BE.

    My husband understands it; to an extent, it helps him with his own subconscious patterns of relating. Along a very difficult road and a long struggle, we’ve begun to achieve true intimacy. I finally feel as if he’s becoming the person I needed most under it all: a true companion and safe haven, there through it all. My husband. He’s known the complicated relationship my partner and I share from the beginning. Though he’s an atheist with no belief in any spirituality, it still astounds him.

    Every story is unique, and ‘twins’, among them, the most staggering.

    Much as I hate to admit it, I keep hope, deep down. I know how we are, underneath all of the pretence. I know what happens when everything else is stripped away. I know, no one else has ever had this effect upon him, or ‘done’ this to him, and, secretly, I selfishly hope that no one else ever will.

    His loneliness hurts me everyday – the loneliness he denies. The occasional one-night-stand (which is all of which he’s capable) which he’d parade before me in the most casual manner – finally resorting to complete manufacture, if I was avoiding him, or otherwise not available or responding. He confessed to that most recently. (My world basically came apart and fell back together in about fifteen minutes. I wasn’t even processing it logically – just couldn’t really take the thought of that, right then, that day. How am I surprised that he knew that so well – that he’d use it against me as retaliation to express his own pain and fear of abandonment? Pluto? Ohh. Yes.)

    So, I could wax ad nauseam. I won’t.

    Just consider that the story continues to unfold – long after you think you’ve gotten to the last page. Take heart. And take care.

  4. Thanks for sharing your story! I have not seen him in perhaps 2 years so I think perhaps karma has been restored. I wish you luck. These things are not easy & for sure do not seem to pass completely. I like to say: it doesn’t get easier you just get accustomed to living with the pain;)

  5. As Moriarty searches for a way to bring ‘the one who was created to be the love of his life’ in reality aboard the Enterprise (ST: TNG: ‘Ship in a Bottle’), it seems an apt way to begin. That concept. One who was created to be the love of our life. Feels a bit like that, in varying degrees.

    On the one hand, I’ve experienced several – one could argue all of my close relationships – are of a karmic nature. But, according to theory, I’m on a ‘consolidative’ lifetime – ‘cleaning up’ my past. Certainly feels that way. And yet, in all this time, there’s only been one that’s felt like this.

    It would seem that fate works a bit like a ginormous, uber-intelligent CPU, delegating necessary resources to what’s most urgent in the command line. My relationship with him became a background process for the period in which I’d decided that certain factors seemed to unequivocally reveal (erroneously) that I was a fool who’d wasted her time. Labouring under that ‘delusion’, I begun the important work of this lifetime relationship, which would become a marriage. I did that, undergoing a huge transformation of self – becoming a whole new, undiscovered version of ‘me’, only to take those lessons in tow and return to my true self, once he re-entered my life – about 3 years later.

    And then, with the truth hanging out like that giant white elephant in a very small room, looming between us, finally, face-to-face again, for what felt like the first time since, well, everything changed. That was when everything REALLY DID change.

    I’ve learnt to be a lot less ‘certain’. Far more willing to accept ambiguity. What is today, may not be tomorrow, when it comes to us. What I’d thought was the end was really just the beginning.

    Now, I look back and wonder – how did I do it? How did I really, truly, genuinely devote what felt like my whole heart and soul to my relationship / marriage? How did he barely cross my mind for those years? How could I have let the moment I now crave more than anything – when he’d told me he loved me – pass, like a non-event? Studied, like a curiosity? How as I so outside of myself? So disconnected? Self-preservation? Protection? Was I living in denial because the reality just hurt too bloody much?

    I don’t know. I don’t know, because, since that day, it’s never gone back. I almost feel incapable of it now. It’s with me. Always. I can’t shut it out. Since that moment.

    We’re all unique; all different. There are varying degrees, dependent upon ‘soul journey’ and what we’re here to do – separately, and together. Twins, on the other hand, tend to just be magnetised to each other like this. And it’s been my understanding that we’re here to do something together which has a lasting effect. When the time comes to put that into play, it’s no longer a background process – it’s front and centre.

    I certainly have dear exes and almosts who have now gone on, with a touch of bittersweetness, only occasionally coming to the surface between us. The subtle understanding that this is how it was ‘meant’ to be. Mild pangs of our aborted shared experience – almost always due to something outside of our control which, over time, became acceptance.

    But this … is different. Every fibre of my being has known it since the moment we met. Known. That’s a pretty big statement, coming from a scientist. And yet – I can’t deny it, either. I’ve spent so many YEARS trying to. Eventually, I just had to accept it: I don’t know exactly what, I have a pretty good understanding of why, but, despite everything, one thing I somehow know to be true: he’s the one who was ‘created’ to be the ‘love of my life’. But outstanding karmic obligations have demanded certain debts be settled and received first.

    No, it isn’t easy. But, at the very least, as you said before, having some understanding of the WHY – and a sure enough confidence in was IS – makes it … possible.

    I throw myself in my work – even if he’s all over it, and I can’t avoid that. I use the power of our own story, and our own connection, to let me make it the best it can be.

    Maybe that’s exactly what’s supposed to be happening right now. It’s a thought that comforts me. Sometimes.

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