12 Red Flags you are dating a Narcissist or other toxic person

Published June 23, 2016 by starsmoonandsun

Please watch my youtube video on the 12 red flags you are dating a narcissist or other toxic individual

12 Red Flags You are dating a Narcissist or other toxic individual


As I like to say I was missing red flags like white chicks miss the killer in a scary movie!

Know the signs of toxic and abusive individuals, recognize the tactics when you see them.

If your intuition has brought you here I believe this is the only indicator you really need. If you feel something is a miss in your relationship something likely is. In normal and healthy relationships we don’t have to google other peoples behavior  You don’t need proof of anything your internal guidance is all you will ever need
The word covert means not openly displayed that means the behavior is hidden
So this is not the loud ostentatious bragger the know it all pushy person that we avoid
The covert narcissist behavior is what the word covert implies secret, not seen by others So often the covert narcissist may seem friendly and nice and like such a great guy
Covert implies the behavior is done in secret behind closed doors removed from others view.
Red Flag #1
They have a victim mentality
It never occurred to me that the victim woe-is me type is quite parasitic nothing is ever their fault someone has always done something to them. Regular caring peoples natural inclination is to help people we see suffering I want you to be leery of doing so The individual with the victim mentality often uses this face as there perpetual get out of jail free card. Victim types act as though everything is happening to them, they do not take accountability for their life. They do not take ownership they act as though life is happening to them when in actuality healthy people realize we create our own reality. Healthy people take self inquiry and ask how am I a contributing factor to this situation narcissists in particular do not have this ability they never look inward
Red Flag #2
They are surrounded by drama drama and more drama. Healthy people seek harmony in relationships they are not a vibrational match to chaos. Happy and healthy people are creative, have hobbies, seek peace in personal and professional relationships. They know how to pick their battles. This is not the case with toxic people toxic people need drama and they are often surrounded by it. Something is always circling them. They may even claim they do not like drama but yet they are always in the midst of some crisis. These individuals often have a number of crazy exes and crazy people in their life. This is a huge red flag if someone in your life has mentioned they have a crazy exes or perhaps several he likely doesn’t know how to treat women.
Red Flad #3
The Truth Revealed
Listen when people talk they always reveal themselves always they will literally say I am not a nice person, I am not on the same level as you, I don’t deserve you, I am so much like my mother, father uncle that they have also told you was a loser, abusive, womanizing addict
 Red Flag #4
Love bombing
The love bombing phase when you first start dating the manipulator you are the dream the soulmate, they always wanted to be with you, do you want to get married they ask, we could live together, they have your whole lives together mapped out. They will see you every weekend, they profess they will wait five hours to see you for a mere 5 minutes this phase feels otherworldly, like a dream like you are floating
Red Flag #5
The Silent Treatment
After the love bombing phase where you are bombarded with sweet sentiments the toxic individual will often pull back I equate this with feeling like you were dropped from the sky and your natural inclination is to go after them you may wonder why they may suddenly stop calling, they engage in games they call you,  you call them back and they do not answer, you text them and they don’t respond for 2 days. The vibe goes from crazy in love to just plane crazy
Red Flag #6
Know the Cycle
The narcissists relationship often follows a pattern idealization, devalue and discard. In the idealization or love bombing phase you were everything now you are not. Here you find small digs they make, they don’t want you doing your hobbies, they insult your clothing, this is the devaluation phase you go from everything to nothing
Red Flag #7
Now you confront the narcissist and/or toxic individual you  tell them they seem distant what happened, you ask them whats going on is everything ok and they insinuate you are crazy, needy or not seeing things clearly. Your gut aka intuition is always accurate Gas lighting goes hand and hand with their crazy making behavior where the abuser says they love you they want to be with you, you are beautiful but their actions do not meet the words. Always trust actions over words, actions never lie
 Red Flag #8
If someone lies about the little stuff they lie about everything. Do not ignore small lies I promise you behind those tiny lies are mountains of untruths. Narcissists and other abusive people tend to lie about everything from crazy exes , to lifetime accomplishments, they manufacture health ailments and entire careers.
Red Flag #9
This is huge; a toxic partner wants to seem in high demand so they create triangulations with you and other women. They will flirt with other women in front of you of coarse they will deny this and say they were being friendly  
Another less obvious way of triangulation is when they bring in an unsuspecting 3rd party to cosign on their bad behavior. Remember no one sees the covert narcissists true face- to the outside world he can portray the victim or the misunderstood nice guy always charming, polite and maybe even meek. Only the people close to the narcissist will see their true self. 
 Red Flag # 10
Something is just off you; you can’t put your finger on it something is just off you can’t emotionally connect with them emotional responses are off-if you start to cry they respond oddly
·       They have narcissistic rage
·       They avoid true meaningful conversations
·       They are off emotionally
Red Flag #11
They Future Fake
They promise you in the future things will be better let me sort this out, they sort that out and then they have to sort something else out and its always another thing and another thing and they ask you to be patient they may call you selfish for not waiting, they promise once they get the new job, once they settle a custody dispute, once they do xyz things will be great but with toxic narcissist it never gets better, I promise you it will only get worse. Life is lived today not tomorrow not in 2 years 4 years 5 years. Jada Pinket put it best when she said don’t fall in love with someone’s potential …after all potential may never manifest
jada smith quote
Red Flag #12
 So you realize they are crazy after they have complained about their exes, after they gave you the silent treatment engaged in triangulation and you are going to leave welcome hovering, constant phone calls, promises my personal favorite I’ll do anything to make you happy bombarded calls text and possibly gifts and you wonder maybe I am crazy so you give them another chance and the cycle repeats Idealization/Love Bombing, Triangulation, Silent Treatment 


This article is great! For further Reading

30 Red Flags of Manipulative People

Know the signs, see the red flags always listen to your intuition!



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