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Eternally Child Like

I recently did a reading for someone that is on her third marriage prior to her 1st Saturn return. This means she has been married 3 times prior to turning 30. This is amazing to me. Like I haven’t found one person that I believe I want to share FOREVER with. I mean forever is a long time and somehow she has found 3 people. Ha-ha In any event it brought up the fact that I often feel behind, like I’m late to do everything. I have Mars in Taurus, recently I read Mars being the planet of war doesn’t fair well in the sign of love, Taurus being rules by the planet Venus. Taurus is indeed the slowest of the earth signs so I tend to take the long route. However once I make my mind up to do something (Mars represents action) it is with precision and determination. This can be reflected in going back to college at 25 or not moving out of my parental home till 35. However I graduated with a 4.0 and when I did move out I dig purchase my dream apartment. Taurus doesn’t do things ½ ass. I often feel I’m behind and in a way I’m slow to mature. I honestly do not know if I will ever consider myself mature. Maturity is not to be confused with responsible. I’m very responsible but mature uh not so much.
I went to psychic once; she knew nothing about astrology and said to me “you have the mind of someone that is 100 but the emotional maturity of an adolescent”. She was right, I concede. I have an Aries moon, planets placed in Aries are the least evolved, Aries is the 1st sign in the zodiac, it is where we begin. Impulsive and yes immature, we can act out and throw tantrums. Planets placed in Aries lack maturity, they confuse wants with needs and have a sense of urgency with just about everything. (I think this stems from emotional needs not being met during childhood). I also have the Sun placed in the 5th house; the 5th house represents children and first loves. I’m forever child like, I want to play and have fun. My heart is eternally youthful; they say people with a 5th house sun will have 1 or no children. I never quite understood that, perhaps due to the maturity that is required to raise children, the strength and patience (God knows an Aries moon doesn’t have any of the above). Katie Holmes has this placement, I often wonder if Suri will be her one and only. I also have a retrograde chart ruler. My rising sign is Aquarius, planets in Aquarius are not bound by time constraints, they do not carry a 5 year plan. I always feel that there is an infinite amount of time to do certain things. I do not conform to 5 year plans and the only time that I feel behind are in those moments I compare my life to the lives of others. I consciously have been trying to not compare my life to other people because truth be told; on the outside looking in there isn’t another person’s life I would truly want to live other then my own. With Aquarius as my rising sign this makes Uranus my chart ruler, Uranus is in retrograde motion indicating I take the long route. Add to this the fact that Uranus is the rebel of the zodiac… not exactly the most settled of the signs. Combined with my Grand fire trine involving my 10th house of career, 2nd house of finances and 6th house of daily activity in typical fire fashion I just want to go go go!

Lastly I have a unaspected Venus in Gemini; Gemini rules the 3rd house of childhood education and grammar school. Gemini is a playful sign that is the magician of the zodiac, Gemini drinks out of the fountain of youth daily! All of that fire combined with a 5th house Sun, a retrograde chart ruler, a Moon in Aries and a Venus in Gemini no wonder I’m taking the long route. I’m smelling the flowers, skipping along taking the occasional detour while a lot of other people are on that 5 year plan. Secretly I have to pay thanks to my one earth planet Mars in Taurus, Taurus craves financial security, is fiscally responsible and perhaps it gives me solid footing to plant all my lofty and fiery dreams upon.

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My Bitch Button is on Mute!

I have been thinking lately about the way in which I communicate with others. I’m very direct in speech, its odd some people say they respect that type of honesty and comment that they appreciate always knowing where they stand with me while others well let’s be honest, they can’t handle the truth. When speaking I’m not lofty and long winded, I hate when you watch a movie and there is a lot of extra dialog in a cheap attempt to sound deep. The movies Before Sunrise and After Sunset is an excellent example of how limited dialog can be used but expresses so much.

Words do not have to be dipped in fudge and covered in sprinkles for me. Suddenly I’m becoming more aware of how the way I communicate is received by others. I feel like I’m on mute.

I have the moon in Aries, so I’m quick tempered, being that the moon is in my 2nd house I’m emotionally attached to my values. I’m always up for a good debate, well if I’m winning ha ha Aries wants to conqueror and if I feel attacked I certainly will fight back. I have Mars planet of Aggression in the 3rd house of speech and communication. Mars is also in Taurus, Taurus clings to what is familiar similar to the way I cling to what I feel is right. I also have Sagittarius on my Midheaven; Sagittarius is the searcher of truth and probably the most honest sign in the zodiac. Have to love them for that. Combined this makes me swift in speech, I’m quick to give you my opinion, I’m 100% honest in all of my dealings and if I find you are not, I will cut you off in a New York City minute.

Recently someone that I do not have a favorable relationship with mentioned that I probably I’m happy some not so great stuff is happening to them. This could not be further from the truth. I do not sit around wishing ill on others. If I have a disagreement with someone I either cut them off or tell them off. I don’t sit around and ponder their existence, I certainly do not dwell. Aries moon is not concentrated like that; it is a pioneer it’s on to the next feeling, the next thing. It’s swift in motion. It is fueled by little thought. When this person said that it made me think, WOW just because we do not talk does not mean I sit around and plot and hope for your demise.

Aries moon does not hold a grudge.

Someone recently asked me out of a date, I was busy on the day they asked me. So I said “I can’t I’m busy”. Long silence. Extra long pause and then I quickly added, “I have a lunch plan but if you want to do it next week we can” blah blah blah insert extra unnecessary words. Sudden awareness of how others are receiving me.

The other day two coworkers and I went to grab lunch, I had called ahead to see if the restaurant was serving food. They assured me they were, much to my dismay when we got to the restaurant they weren’t. Can you imagine? Needless to say I went off on them, “Didn’t I just call you”? “Don’t you work here”? And a hundred other things. Needless to say they sat us, my coworkers cringed when our food was eventually brought over but I silently began to wonder why I am the “bad guy” when this hostess doesn’t know what time her restaurant begins serving food.

I know people think I’m a bitch but I wonder when someone doesn’t know their job or you catch your coworker speaking poorly of you and cut them off…. Why am I the bitch?

I was attempting to get coffee at Dunkin Donuts in New York City and this woman in front of me seemed to have forgotten where she was and kept asking questions like do you have fresh sliced tomato? On the tuna sandwich is that iceberg lettuce or romaine? Deep breath Danielle Deep breath! I believe she questioned: Do you have freshly sliced Avocado and that is when I lost it, I screamed “this is Dunkin Donuts not a fucking diner” I stormed out coffee-less. Perhaps I could have just left quietly. Though I must maintain she was an asshole.

I have lived this way for 35 years, but lately I feel like perhaps some adjustments need to be made in the way in which I communicate. Perhaps I need to add a few more sentences, fluff it up a bit. I wonder should I quietly slink away into the night when someone has lost my dinner reservation or challenges me? I find that hard to reconcile, being submissive. Lately I feel as though I’m watching what I say and quite frankly it is suffocating. I was thinking about this when I checked my transits and Ah-ha I have that bastard Saturn-restriction-authority-karma-in an exact square-discomfort-hardship to my Mercury-communication-.

That bastard is stealing my bitch button!

Let me say straight away I do not like Saturn, he isn’t fun, he is a big drip but he does offer lessons of maturity. I admit I will probably be eternally immature. I have Sun in the 5th house, we want to play and create! We have a lifelong child that lives inside of us. With that being said transiting Saturn Squaring natal Mercury is a time where you are forced to revalue the way in which you communicate. It also suggests a time when you may want to retreat away from the world and communicate less, unfortunately this isn’t an option for me I have natal Mercury in the 6th house of work and this attracts jobs where co-workers are talkative and communication is an essential part of my daily tasks, which it is. This is a time of reevaluating your ideas, as they will often be questioned by others. I will add this transit is said to also affect the lungs and respiratory system, I didn’t not know this; but I was recently having problems breathing and abruptly had to quit smoking. Yes I know smoking is bad for you !

So here I’m smoke free, no patch nothing just cold turkey and I’m being served a lesson on proper ways of communicating. My friend said to me the other day, “Do you feel you are more irritable now since you haven’t had a cigarette”. I replied, “no not at all, I’m the same big bitch I have always been”. I’m not sure how long that will last I have from now until November to figure it out…that is when Saturn will release me from this choke hold and perhaps I will emerge a more wordy less responsive and reactive reinvented Bitch!