I’m a firm believer we come into this world with certain gifts and talents that are eroded through time. Life’s harsh cruelties strip us of our essence; we lose our child like charm to societal restrictions, peer associations and parental molding.
I know I was born with the wish to be married and have children, what woman isn’t, but really it’s in my soul…well the marriage part. Children have often been negotiable, with Aquarius the natural ruler of the 11th house rising I have always considered adoption a lovely option. After all the 11th house is home to other people’s children.
As for my career choice I have Neptune-confusion- conjoining the 10th house cusp-career. Truth be told I have never wanted to be some sort of career woman. Like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl…oh hell no. As a child I use to “write” scripts to soap operas, that is what I dreamed of doing; somewhere that got lost, I became lost. I have natal Venus in Gemini in the 3rd house this gives me a natural affinity toward writing. I have a fiction piece I’m working on, currently up to Chapter 5 I think it is genius while simultaneously I wonder if I have the discipline it takes to see it through to the end. Remember I’m earth deficient. I dream of taking 3 months off from work to complete it but I just purchased my dream apartment and that comes equipped with a not so dreamy maintenance. Ha! No regrets though It’s like an oasis to me.
I recently came to the conclusion Pluto transiting the 11th house is quite possibly the most boring transit on the planet. I felt unmoved by it, I wondered if the reason is in part due to the fact that my natal Pluto is in the 8th house where it is strongest and it also natally touches my Sun, Moon and Venus. Then I read a quote regarding Pluto transiting the 11th house (sorry I don’t know who said it) about your dreams dying and you will birth new dreams. Pluto ruling complete transformation.
So here I’m September 16, 2012 widely in tuned to this Pluto transit, abundantly aware of dreams the way in which they manifest and yes dissipate.
Pluto transiting the 11th house is currently setting a blaze to prior dreams, in the early 2000s I went back to college for a degree in Hotel Management. After a trip to Las Vegas I abruptly quit my job, went back to school and after several maneuvers landed a job at my DREAM hotel. I recall saying to myself: if I could just get that job I would be so happy and magically they called and it is where I reside 7 years later. Without getting too much into my current situation in an attempt to avoid getting slapped with some defamatory lawsuit my dream hotel changed ownership several times and is more like a nightmare! There was a period employees were privy to paid in full vacations via raffle, car service rides home and big screen TVs and iPods were given out at Holiday parties. We ate filet mignon for lunch and most importantly everyone was joyous! That is not the way it is anymore, and I’m lucky to see a chicken salad sandwich with fresh mayo for lunch. This certainly is not the dream job it once was and I see all I hoped for slowly deteriorating. Okay not slowly but rather rapidly decaying.
I have this urge to abandon life as I know it in some sort of low budget version of Eat Love Pray but last time I checked I wasn’t an heiress or independently wealthy. So I come to work and attempt to do my best while working toward dream fulfillment on the side. Though most times I feel like a hamster in a cage, spinning in circles.
I have maintained throughout my life: the one with the most experiences wins! So my natal sun in the 5th house continues to take chances.
Recently I applied to be an extra on one of those Investigation Discovery Shows, Married to a Mobster, Love Kills…something like that. I wanted to portray one of those women but with limited dialog. Instead I was told I was being considered for a lead and to send in an audition tape, So I recited lines from Carly Corinthos character on General Hospital, quite frankly I sucked and I never heard from them. That’s ok; acting is not a dream of mine. The following day I registered at some casting company for extra work. We’ll see how far that goes. So far Ive landed several background positions on CSI New York, Law and Order SVU and Blue Bloods.
I have been scouring craigslist and elance.com to follow my passion and write horoscopes for a Magazine. Having landed one gig that remains a work in progress I continue my search for now while writing this astrological confession and continuing to take astrology classes.
I glance at my book occasionally, still hope for marriage and to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune….Pat Sayjack isn’t getting any younger neither is Vanna White..so that dream is under certain time constraints.
I come to work each day, search for freelance writing jobs , wonder why I m not somewhere working for Marie Claire or Allure Magazine, I wonder where life will head to next. I mean just a few months ago I wanted to start an online bakery. Last week after watching Real Housewives of New Jersey Melissa had taken the kids to a child nail salon! Simply genius! I wonder the start up cost on something like that! xo