Neptune in Synastry

Post Updated 6/30/20

In another life he could have been mine I suppose. All of his planets fall in my 7th house and 3 of mine fall in his. Perhaps that is why I had to know him. The 7th house is what you seek in a mate and a part of me felt like wow there you are.  This vague I am so comfortable to be here with you. I use to joke and call him my husband . Come to find on closer inspection we have a two way Juno/Venus conjunction. Really I couldn’t have made this up if I tried.


I use to see him through this film, this kaleidoscope of colors. I thought he was beautiful. It is crazy how much things can change in a year.

Whenever I think of Neptune in Synastry one of the quotes that comes to mind is from the film Like Crazy

“I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it but I didn’t. Not really. Only the smudginess of it, the pink slippered all contained semiprecious eagerness of it. I didn’t realise it sometimes would be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea, because it’s the halves that halve you in half. I didn’t know; don’t know about the in-between bits of it. The gory bits of you and the gory bits of me.”

In the book The Secret Languages of Relationships our combined energies were deemed a “gossamer fabric” beautiful, delicate, light and ethereal. The advice offered “Maintain boundaries”

What they didn’t mention was the emotional enmeshment or the ability to feel the other even when that other was 2,171 miles away.

Our Neptune aspects were heavy; if I ever saw these configurations again with another person I would run and never turn back.

His Neptune opposes my Venus and Mars, squares my Descendant and trines my Mercury

My Neptune squares his Moon, Mercury and Mars

Is this real?

What it real?

What the hell is happening here?

Elements of deception, gas lighting, elusiveness and alcoholism were at play. I kept wanting the truth. I kept asking for the truth. I kept ignoring the truth. Sometimes it isn’t always that the Neptune person is deceiving us as much as we are deceiving ourselves though in this case I would say it was a bit of both.

He was spotted with many women but when questioned he would say they were business associates. Early on I blindly believed him even as some were seen entering and leaving his hotel. I can still hear my Mother screaming “are you out of your fucking mind”

Apparently I was. I use to believe him and see him through the wide eyes of a child.

Its crazy now when I think of how far removed from reality I was.

And I know astrology! If a client came to me with these charts I would issue them a major warning but there I was all the hope and optimism one could hold and carry.

Neptune is what it is and when it is not romantic it is downright treacherous. Pluto will blow up your life, Saturn will teach you some hard lessons, Uranus will be the one night stand that calls you 8 months later but Neptune will linger on and on and on.

You need a clean break with Neptune, do not allow anyone to convince you otherwise. The term going “no contact” was invented for Neptunian relationships. The only way these connections work well is if A. both people are spiritual B. you create films or make music together.

If you hang out and wait you will bind yourself to the hope that they will change or things will get better or this time it will be different. I played this game for a number of years and I will tell you it did not work out the way I had imagined (another Neptune word). Insert catastrophic feelings of disappointment that lead me to therapy for emotional enmeshment and possible trauma bonding.

Neptune is the planet of dreams, addictions, escapism; it rules what we don’t see. Neptune blurs boundaries and is associated with fantasies and all things magical.  Neptune eludes, deludes and is evasive. Now you see me now you don’t. Insert Jazz Hands.

Early on a Tarot Reader who knew nothing in particular about this man pulled out the Magician card and said “don’t let him dazzle you with bullshit”.

Nothing is as dazzling as Neptune.

Nothing is as disappointing either.

Neptune on anothers personal planets = Rose Colored Glasses

As I mentioned Neptune often involves some element of deceit. Sometimes the other person is deluding you. You have placed them so high on a pedestal they do not want to come down and other times it is you deluding yourself. I personally believe with Neptune aspects we see the person through the soul potential, but people are people they are not always living out the highest possible version of themselves. I mean really who is.

Neptune is also associated with Universal Love and Christ Consciousness; with that being said when we have a lot of Neptune aspects with someone it is likely difficult for us to stay mad and we just keep giving them chance after chance after chance. Maybe this time they will show up different. Maybe this time they will get it right. Next thing you know you have lived a lifetime of Maybes

Sometimes I think Neptune relationships have a difficult time surviving or even getting off the ground in this cold Saturn ruled world where buying homes and laying down foundations take precedence over connections on a soul level.  Neptune contacts after all are otherworldly and not of this plane.  The keynotes are telepathy, etheric cords and dreaming of one another. They are marked by an evasive- you just can’t put your finger on them quality. If you take someone that is very 3D based and rooted in intellectualism and materialism they may find Neptunian relationships unrealistic and nonsensical. Never mind those that have limiting beliefs and choose partnerships that mirror these false beliefs; that relationships should feel like work or love is hard etc.

We always have to look at the individuals Natal Chart and see what they are looking for on a personal level before we introduce another person into the mix and examine synastry.

Once I yelled at him like a lunatic why are you hiding from me?! After I laughed and thought what a Neptunian thing to say, the connection itself had a strong element of evasiveness. Sometimes I was the one that was hiding; avoiding him for as long as I possible could. Not wanting to face all the feelings seeing him brought to the surface.

I haven’t uttered more than a simple hello to him in one year (when I do see him in passing) and I have not seen him in 4 months as I write this. However the years preceding I would often feel him on the perimeter just circling the peripheral. I would feel him just staring at me from across a room with that deep penetrating -I have planets in Scorpio gaze-. Now I know something maybe he knew all along that some things are best left at a distance.

Some General Themes In Neptune Themed Relationships:

  • Words that end in “sion” delusion, confusion, fusion, illusion
  • One party or Both have addiction issues
  • Victim/Savior Paradigms
  • Rose Colored Glasses
  • Chaser/Runner
  • Giver/Taker
  • Self-Sacrifice
  • Deception
  • Idealism

In Synastry people often ask who is feeling what; I feel the natives take turns. I do not always feel one person is doing something to the other. I feel it is a joint experience; so with Neptune they may both feel confused, they may both have escapist issues or they can take turns playing out these dynamics. Neptune requires total and direct honesty since the quality of the connection is already sort of murky. These are not the placements where you rely on the other to figure you out or expect them to intuit your desires. You have to put your cards on the table and know to leave if someone cannot deliver the goods.

In the “Astrology of Human Relationships’ by Frances Sakoian and Louis S. Acker they write about Neptune in Synastry

Neptune Squares

“Adverse comparative influences of Neptune indicate relationship problems caused by subconscious, psychological distortions in one or both natives. The evasive, deceptive tendencies make it difficult for them to cooperate and for each to assume his or her responsibilities in the relationship. There could be a lack of appreciation of each other’s religious and mystical perceptions, ideas and convictions”

When referring to the squares aspects the authors write “efficient cooperation is hampered by confusion, disorganization, evasive tactics, escapist tendencies, and deliberate or subconscious deception on the part of one or both. One or both natives can have detrimental psychic or psychological influence on the other.”

Neptune Oppositions

“In some cases, the natives difficulties are the result of their not being tuned to the same level of consciousness. In other instances, one or both natives will exhibit self-destructive, evasive or escapist tendencies that are damaging to the relationship”



I want to place a small disclaimer here: Not all Neptune aspects are as challenging as I have described. You just do not want to see a plethora of them. On the lighter end they can infuse a relationship with romanticism, compassion, creativity and genuine care






One comment

  1. Beautiful post, Danielle. I echo your words below. Meeting my Neptune guy drove me to learn astrology because the relationship was “marked by an evasive you just can’t put your finger on [it] quality.”

    My 4th-house Neptune squares my Asc/Dsc exactly; it sextiles his Mercury and trines his Venus. His Neptune trines my Sun and opposes my Moon. Our composite Sun is unaspected in the 12th house

    He married his longtime girlfriend with whom he shared a house but little sex.

    “Sometimes I think Neptune relationships have a difficult time surviving or even getting off the ground in this cold Saturn ruled world where buying homes and laying down foundations take precedence over dreams and connections on a soul level. Neptune contacts after all are otherworldly and not of this plane. The keynotes are telepathy, dreaming of one another, and they are marked by an evasive you just can’t put your finger on them quality.

    “These relationships or connections can be marked by forgiveness and compassion so even if something goes wrong an element of –its ok- will permeate.

    “Neptune relationships are supposed to be the most heart breaking; the dream doesn’t meet the reality.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *