Whenever a client contacts me and wants to discuss disappointments in love and relationships, I know they will likely have Neptune or Saturn connected to the 7^th house or personal planets. Whereas Neptune disappointment tends to stem from self-deception; the sorrow of Saturn is often rooted in childhood programming, early first hurts, the misconception that love must be earned and/or limiting beliefs that the person themselves is somehow unworthy or undeserving of affection.

It is important to pull back the layers of early childhood programming and wounding in order for the person with these aspects to welcome in the love they truly deserve.

This article applies to those that have the following.

• Saturn in the 7^th house
• Venus placed in Capricorn.
• Venus placed in the 10^th house.
• The descendant placed in Capricorn.
• Saturn square, opposite or conjoining Venus
• Saturn square, opposite or conjoining the ruler of the 7^th house.

Early Childhood

It is often the case with these placements that love was not easily felt in the childhood home, perhaps you were raised in an environment where you felt love and appreciation had to be earned. For example, if you came home with good grades on a report card you were celebrated but if you tried your best on a test and came home with a C- you were left feeling like you were somehow not good enough. It is important that we raise children to know their worthiness is inherent and not based on external accolades. We are all born worthy, and our worth is not dependent, nor should it be measured by external barometers.

If this was not your personal story it may be that your early home environment was restricted or reserved, perhaps you were raised in an environment where love was not freely expressed it was measured, if expressed at all.

Early Imprints

Early imprints like the ones mentioned above can be carried with us our entire lives until we become conscious of them and work on peeling back the layers of early childhood programming. Our limiting beliefs and core wounding are formed prior to us reaching the age of 7. I want you to understand that this does not necessarily mean your parents were bad or your home environment was awful – though it certainly could have been but it also can suggest  a parental landscape that lacked the ability to care for you in the way that you needed.

Growing Beyond Limitation

When we look at our birth chart; anywhere we see Saturn in a house or in a hard aspect to a personal planet we need to shed light on that area; these are the areas in life where we feel blocked, restricted, experience hardship, delays and incarnated to learn karmic lessons. Saturn connected to Venus requires us to do the deep dive on our partnerships and ask ourselves:

• Do I believe love should be hard?
• Do I think love must be earned?
• Do I attract people that are unavailable?
• What false images did I develop in childhood regarding love?
• Do I select partners where I am left feeling that I am unworthy or unlovable?

Some False Constructs

Often individuals with these aspects will select a hard relationship- everything is hard – this is mirroring back the limiting beliefs developed in childhood that love must be earned. I want you to know that love does not have to be hard won. Love can be easy; love can be right and love just flows. I am not saying that there are not rough patches in relationships or adjustments that need to be made but if the entire relationship is hard, you can be assured you are working out karmic lessons with that partner. You need to ask yourself, am I selecting partners that are a reflection of my limiting beliefs? Am I selecting partners that reinforce the wounds present in my natal chart? Am I selecting partners that somehow mirror a parental influence?

A ring of fear surrounds love like rings around Saturn -Marianne Williamson

Fears in love

Fears connected to love have a variety of ways of showing up, one is the phantom ex or the one that got away. We are not naturally optimistic where Saturn is placed; we are hesitant, we are fearful, we are defensive and guarded. With the aspects mentioned above we have to ask ourselves are we truly emotionally available? Are we available for a healthy and loving connection? Being emotionally unavailable isn’t always obvious. You can see people with these aspects hung up on a phantom ex or the one that got away- this is common with those that have attachment traumas; romanticizing the past keeps us unavailable in the present. You are worthy of real connection here in this “now” moment.

Another way we can block love is by finding something wrong with everyone. I am not talking about settling, but I am asking you to reflect on finding fault with each person you meet. Sometimes people with these aspects will get hung up on someone emotionally unavailable with an array of issues but turn down viable choices in love for frivolous reasons. If this is so you need to ask yourself to do, I intentionally find something wrong with everyone as a means of staying safe or unavailable.

Often these aspects can suggest a person that is driven in terms of career. I often refer to Saturn in hard aspect to Venus as my political aspect.

A few politicians off the top

• John McCain had Venus opposite Saturn
• Hillary Clinton Venus square Saturn
• Jackie Onassis Venus opposite Saturn
• Ted Cruz Venus Opposite Saturn
• Donald Trump Venus conjunct Saturn

People with Venus in hard aspect to Saturn and other personal planets may be driven to succeed which is fine but I always want them to ask themselves: am I driven to succeed because I am operating from the belief that my worth somehow correlates with external praise, accolades or validation. It is important to understand that no amount of outer success and praise can compensate for a lack of self-love. Questioning our motives is an important part of self-discovery.

Many successful people have Saturn in hard aspect to Venus in the Natal Chart

• Bill Gates Venus conjunct Saturn
• Jeff Bezos Venus conjunct Saturn
• Mark Zuckerberg Venus conjunct Saturn

You will often see people with these placements put work ahead of love and partnership. It is ok to be driven but if you have these aspects you want to do some self-inquiry and ask do I use my career as a means of avoidance when it comes to love. Am I driven externally to compensate for a lack I feel within.

Dating people with these aspects

When it comes to dating people with hard Saturn aspects you have to go in cautiously- that is my guidance. I have Saturn in the 7^th house, so I am very well aware of the wounds, defenses and limiting beliefs that come equipped with these aspects. I am also aware of the deep self-reflection, honest self-assessment and unpleasant self-examination I had to undergo to recognize my own self undoing as it pertains to partnership. People that have these aspects that have not done any healing will often be defensive and closed off to love and affection. It is important to understand a closed heart or door is never an invitation for you to try harder. If a person with these aspects has not done the adequate soul searching, they may avoid love all together, select partners that are cold and unloving or choose someone that makes sense on a practical level without the emotional involvement. If you are offering a kind, easy, open sort of love to someone that has not done the work they may not be able to receive it, reciprocate it or appreciate it.

Some Final Thoughts

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond- Rumi

Universal Law of Mirrors

Saturn in hard aspect to Venus or the other aspects I have mentioned earlier often connect with karmic partners and those that have something to teach them in this lifetime. I would look to everyone you meet as a guide your greatest lessons this lifetime will come through other people. So, every time you find yourself caught up in a karmic entanglement ask: what is this person here to teach me? What are they reflecting back to me about myself? What is my part in this story?

A Delay is not a Denial.

These aspects often involve a delay; remember a delay is not a denial. If you marry early the relationship will likely be unsatisfying and based on obligation. It is not uncommon for those that marry prior to 30 to divorce. You are better off getting married after your Saturn Return when you have integrated the lessons on self love.

You have to really let it go -the way you thought love would be and when you thought it would come. Love happens in divine time with these placements. Releasing your need for it, let go of your desire to force outcomes and focus on yourself,  your dreams, your journey and your own healing.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom- Anais Nin

Open Up

People with these aspects are often withholding; love is not expressed freely. The early home environment or even a first heartbreak may have taught them love is scary, or love is not safe. Fears of previous heart break may permeate their thoughts when it comes to opening up; it may place them in flight or fight mode. If this is your placement it is important to learn to give love without the need for reciprocation. Love because you are loving not because others always act in ways that are lovable. This does not equate to abandoning your standards or boundaries; we can be loving while still prioritizing our own peace of mind and wellbeing. It is important to understand that our outer world is nothing more than a mirror to our inner reality “as above so below” if you want to have love you have to give love. Often the pain we experience with these aspects isn’t the love someone is withholding from us but the love we have withheld from ourselves.